If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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