My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
