No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
