I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
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