Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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