wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize