Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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