i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
