I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Randomize
