I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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