i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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