His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
