Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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