Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
