just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
