this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize