Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
