It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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