Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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