I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I AM VODKA MAN
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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