I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
