Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
