Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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