I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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