What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
