how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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