so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize
