i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
