we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
