youre lurking in front of me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
