so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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