why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
