These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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