Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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