I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
