I heard we made out
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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