I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
