I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
