Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
