Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize