I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
