Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
