LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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