I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
