Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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