i just sent this text using only my big toe
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
