so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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