What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
