I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Sorry about my life...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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