Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
