i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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