I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Randomize
