i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
