my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
