question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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