I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
