roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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