Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Randomize
