and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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