sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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