The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
