shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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