toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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