I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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