I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
