hell yes lets make some ravioli
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
