Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize