Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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