the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
