I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Someone came in the potted fern
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
