so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
