awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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