We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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