WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
