help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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