whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
