you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
My dick has a subreddit
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
