I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
