i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
