We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
i came on her dog
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
