just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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