i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
