tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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