You really coming over, don't trick.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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