I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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