if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
