is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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