Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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