hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.†I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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