my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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