Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
