I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
