so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
