Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
