Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
