i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Someone shattered a urinal.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
