Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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