I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
