Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize