I want to stick my p in your. b.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
