Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
