Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
