please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
