There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
