He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
